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At peace ❤️

Charlotte, Daniel and Alison here (John’s wife and children) AKA The Bairns and our lass.

Sadly, our wonderful dad and husband John passed away peacefully with the three of us at his bedside on May 7th 2023.

John loved writing his blog and updating people on his battle. Despite being given 12 months to live back in 2019, he kept fighting for almost 4 years and updating you all on here every step of the way, so we thought it only fair to share this sad news.

He will be loved and missed forever ❤️

❤️
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I know I know

Yes I did say this is going to be be my last post, but I am still here and enjoying every day.

It has been two weeks since I left hospital after being told there is no further treatment and yes there are good days and bad today.

The majority with the help of my family have been on the better side. So thank you to to you all you matter to me.

Yesterday Macmillan delivered my wheelchair ♿, My picture of it in my mind and the actual wheelchair were totally different I must say.

A round this area it is all downhills, think of   X-Games, but to get back home up will mean a  climb (I live at the top of the Matterhorn, Not slight exaggeration there, but this journey would entail 2 mules and a cable car a

nd the local sherpas have said they would be not help as too steep. So c’est le vie.

Today I have a meeting with my new GP so this should be interesting as the last doctor was an occasional telephone call. I let you know you he says.

My son is getting married on Saturday in London. I am so proud of him. Cancer has a plan we don’t know about. Both me and our lass wanted to be to there desperately, but things are, so the solution was our lass and 2 of her sisters and one of her brother in laws will let go in stead to show a presence. Am me and my daughter will be watching via a camera. I am getting dressed up (not wearing my hoodie), and having high tea, the same time of their meal.

Lol. Daughter’s idea (she is a genius). I Love her to bits as well. Don’t know her she takes after.

I will post photos of the happy occasion and promise to keep the crying down, if I can. I will close now because if you are like me you get tired. Take care Downhillers until next time.

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Addendum

I knew I said that was was the last blog, but how can I keep my dry quips from my all.

It has been a week yesterday since I finished with the NHS as fingers crossed I feel alright from a slight change in my voice, bit of a setback, (sound like Quentin Chrisp, with a Jonny Vegas lisp).

I have tended to notice I get emotional when cases with the same subject as mine as discussed in papers. I not know whether I am a Barbara Cartland fan or the Woman in Pink/Rose/Lavender in Little Britain (I will leave you to decide). I am hoping it’s the drugs.

We will now to be moved to be nearer our daughter, beautiful place with the spectacular scenery and only 5 minutes by car, unfortunately I can’t drive any more. I could try walking it, but I think snails and slugs will storm passed me and gloat, so with great reluctance I have decided to suppress that on the head and rely on the kindness of others to held me.

I will finish now, you are probably bored with random thoughts. Remember we are Cancer Survivors not Cancer Suffering.

Battle number 1

We are now heading into the Spartans Battle of Thermopylae and as per my previous blog post the writing is on the wall.

Unfortunately the commander (yours truly) received the news that hospice care is now the only thing required and chemo has ceased to be an option so I am in palliative care. Support from the NHS has ceased to exist so I have taken the decision to walk away from from the cancer service. Signed the paper work yesterday, but that does not mean I am waving the flag just yet.

I am now going to start taking my leave to valhalla. This destination is supposed to be my final but I refuse to let it be, for I will continue to battle from wherever I am! Besides, I need to get into my new house and enjoy the surroundings.

Signing off, for now!

Continuation

I hope everyone is OK. Apologies for the lack of communication bit up and down down affair since my last post.

The consultant has decided to reduce my current chemo treatment from 10 days to 3 days over a sixth week rotation as the side effects were affecting me with as I said with the up and side effects, I was having regular blood tests as my platelets and HB were all over the place. The good side was I haven’t got the pain in the head. A downside was I got shingles (just the right side of the leg) so treatment was put on hold. OK now.

On a good note, son and his fiancee are enjoying your new house and are getting married the end of April (according to doctor I shouldn’t have supposedly been around this long). Ha ha. So looking forward to proofing him wrong.

My daughter is enjoying her new house in Shropshire with her boyfriend. We are supposed to be moving home to be near her, but you know the process of moving (it was initially February, then March and hopefully April). We shall see.

I had starting having conversations with our lass about the final words regarding I would should like in effect of my demise, so crying of course and fingers cross that won’t be for a too long.

On the whole good and bad, with the good over coming the bad. I will feel you now and wish you all fun times.

Happy 2023

Happy New Year fellow downhillers. I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas and New year. I enjoyed a lovely time over Christmas, relaxing with my family.

On 29th December I had an MRI and saw my consultant yesterday for the results. It wasn’t the best of news.

The consultant informed me I have further progression. This is a bit of a setback but I have been through this before. He feels it is due to not having had chemotherapy for quite a while as it was making me unwell.

Going forward I am going to start on lomustine for just three days every six weeks. Hopefully this will stop further spreading of the tumours.

On a personal note I feel a bit down but it is what it is and others are going through the same thing. On further health matters I accidentally pulled my back, moving heavy items. I know my own fault. Occasional twinges but am OK. I will sign off now because if you’re like me you will be tired by now.

Merry Christmas

Festive greetings to you all. I hope you are all OK?  I think about individuals we have lost this year and the rest of us still battling it. Cancer is a sh1t.

I was supposed to have my chemo a few days later but it was decided by my medical team that the chemotherapy drug is playing up with highs and lows in my levels, so it has been postponed over the festive period. So apart from an MRI the end of this month I am hospital free until middle of January.

The oncologist says when we meet we will discuss my medication and the way forward. It is now 41 months since diagnosed so I believe I am in the rarefied category of going beyond my estimated life span.

The highlight of my day. Waking up each morning lol.  Need to do more though I think. Any suggestions please.

I wish you all a lovely Xmas day and happy new year.

The life of Brian

Apologies for the delay in posting. I hope everyone is OK 👌. So what has happened to me since the last chapter.

I have spent more time in A&E for two further transfusions as I was struggling for breath again. Chemo has been postponed as the consultant and nurse agreed the chemotherapy was affecting my levels on the Friday. Unfortunately due to my roller coaster levels it was decided for me to go into that holiday fun camp (hospital).

I was ready this time, food, night attire, book and phone charger and a list of drugs i am on, in triplicate. Previous visit i wrote them down handed to the dr who enquired about my medication and lo and behold by the power of prestidigation lost them so i was asked by a second dr what drugs i was on. As we are aware brain cancer inhibits our logic to recall sometimes so i had to ring our lass to tell the dr my medicines.

Our lass went with me to A&E on the Saturday morning, 0930 may I add and it was empty. I know shock and horror. Duly passed through to the dr, yes they did ask what was wrong with me and what drugs I was on. I produced my first list and handed it over. The Dr then had me moved to a side unit in A&E and then left.

Few hours later it was decided as due to my levels I would have more transfusions. Two this time. At 3pm I hadn’t commenced my transfusion but I had a canulla inserted at 0945, x match bloods taken for 2 units, at the same time. Our lass duly went home at this point. So I am in A&E allowing fate to throw the dice. I hear murmurs between staff staff saying “he shouldn’t be in here, he should be elsewhere”. My mind went into overdrive I’m thinking do they mean me. Appears person in next bed to me had covid.

As Morrisey sang “panic on the streets of London”, more like panic on the wards of A&E. He was moved and his room disinfected. I was then moved to AMU (Acute Medical Unit). Private room, appears really vulnerable cases are put there. Apron,mask and gloves and that was just the dinner lady. First transfusion commenced at 4pm. Three hours duration I was told by my dedicated nurse, who assured me she would be monitoring me closely.

I was informed by my medical staff I would be staying in so I made myself comfortable, downside no sheets, so didn’t get changed and lay under my coat as was freezing. 1930 first transfusion finished so patiently waited for second one to commence. 2130 no commencement so I went to the nurse desk to find out what was happening, I was informed nurse was doing her rounds, 👌 believable. 2215 came and went no sign of my guardian angel so once more enquired.

I was informed she was dealing with another and I was on her list. The witching hour came and went and still no appearance of my godmother. 0030 a different nurse appeared and said she was looking after me, never seen her before. She originally said I was need another blood test test to x match. Appears my paperwork only said one unit until it was clarified it was two. Luckily they didn’t need another x match as it was ready for collection and a nurse was duly going to collect it I was informed.

An hour later still waiting, I know the hospital well enough by now and I can assure you it isn’t that big. It was 0145 when the second transfusion began. A further 3 hours lapsed until finally at 0445 treatment completed. I was then told consultant would read my results and a decision would be made. Waited until 1100 when 2 doctors arrived and said they were still checking but it may be another night I enjoyed the hospitality of the medical fraternity. I rang our lass and updated her as I had throughout my vigil and she arranged for my mother in law and brother in law to visit with clean clothing. Bloods were then taken and had to await results. Relatives turned up but as I was in AMU they were not allowed in, but I could go out to them. Returned to my penthouse suite after speaking to family to be told I could go home. Quick call to relatives to get them to do a u turn in the lift and finally got home at 1815 Sunday.

Latest news is need another transfusion as gone low again, so waiting for telephone call as nothing available yet. So endeth the saga. Apologies for the time it must take you to read this. It has been arranged for an MRI on 28th December. Deep joy.

What point am I at

Good morning from a country in political turmoil. Welcome to Anarchy in the UK. (Great song from a great era). So how is my saga going. Well I have my meeting with my consultant later on today, fingers crossed 🤞🏾 on what he says.

However I have recently been struggling for breath so rang the hospital to explain. Just ringing out. Voicemail left. The nurse from a unit returned our call eventually and after explaining the situation she advised us to go straight to A&E. It was eventually agreed I should go to the chemo unit and collect a blood form as they needed me to have a blood test as she thought I may need a transfusion. This was 1030.

Took a taxi to the chemo unit where accompanied by my mother in law we ended up at the unit. I explained my conversation with one of the staff earlier, I may as well been speaking with forked tongue as they stared blankly at me before saying it wasn’t them who rang me and I needed to go to to the main desk to get the form. Duly done had bloods taken and went back to chemo unit. Again blank stares. A verbal version of tennis ensued before a minion (sorry if i am demeaning NHS staff) called the oncology team and confirmed they did want the results. The nurse then said an oncology nurse would come over.

The nurse duly arrived and explained my levels were low and I needed to go to A&E. Explained I couldn’t walk that far so chariot was arranged however mother in law was expected to wheel me uphill to the opposite side of the hospital. Not happening on my watch. Charioteer arranged, off we set to the den of iniquity. Like a Charles Dickens charnal house full of the debris of society. We where then ushered to a corridor with more people waiting before seeing a doctor.

Result transferred to a bed in A&E (I know lottery winner). To be informed I needed a blood transfusion. Bloods were then taken for a x match. Initially it was going to be 1 unit then 3 was mentioned and finally 2 was agreed upon, not by me I hasten to add. As each unit takes 3 hours.

The first unit was set up at 7pm and I was left apart from the hourly checks on BP and temperature. It was decided that as it would be early hours of the morning by the time I was finishing both units I would stay in overnight. However this was changed mid way through the first session when I was informed, for my second unit I would be moved to another unit, called S deck. Sounds clandestine, never knew where this was as when first session was over I remained where I was and then was informed I could go home when second session was complete. This was going to be early hours of the morning. I explained I don’t drive, our lass doesn’t drive and the bairns lived elsewhere. The nurse said something would be arranged nearer the time.

During this visit to Bedlam I was accompanied during the dark hours to the screams, curses and wailing of other individuals that would have been heard in other realms. Throughout this time I was offered one sandwich during the afternoon and one at 9pm. I think the nurse had an eye on the second one. It was finally 0245 when I was discharged. Enquiring about transport to get me home I was told an ambulance would take a few hours so I rang my son and he got up to collect me, this is despite medical professionals assuring me something would be arranged. It was a Carry on without the laughs. NHS short for NO Help Shown.

Apologies for my moaning it was a farce from start to finish. I hope your journey through this is better.

Appendix to my story folks. I saw the consultant today and the news is good. The chemo appears to be doing the trick, so it will continue until A. The tumour shows progression or B. I become so ill on it they call it a day.

Sixth and Hopefully last chemo

Had to ring the chemo unit once again yesterday morning as I had bloods taken on Friday and no update. Once more I had the results so was a waiting game on my behalf.

My HB was 91 and my levels were 213 so was unsure if was going ahead or not. The answer was yes, strewth I know I thought wrong. Straight in and seen to. Only one minor delay as drugs were not there initially but were sent over before treatment finished.

The nurse then told me this was my 6th and final chemo 🪄 (magic) so no more bloods need to be taken. Reliant upon MRI scans now every 3 months she said, but our lass has gladly reminded me my consultant is looking at applying for funding for more treatment. Bough breaks and down I fall. Lol.

Overall I feel OK, downside is whilst on chemo I am unable to participate of the toxic spirits for the next 10 days. I have also lost weight down to 10st 8lb bonus. All in all a mixed bag of news. I hope everyone is 👍 and I will keep you posted.

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